Q: Sometimes I get so focused on negative thoughts, it can be paralyzing. What can I do?
Negative self-talk can trap us in an emotion-thought downward spiral. One strategy often used to break the cycle is cognitive reframing, in which you reshape your thoughts by looking at it through a balanced or positive lens. This is highly effective but not always within reach. In some moments, it can feel forced or just too heavy a lift.
A tactic that may be more accessible, or more palatable, is cognitive distancing. Rather than adjusting your negative thought, you simply distance yourself from the thought, essentially diffusing its power.
With cognitive distancing, you notice the thought but don’t internalize it. Because you perceive it as just a thought, and not your reality, you can shift your attention away from it.
How to Use Cognitive Distancing
The first step is to recognize the negative thoughts you’re experiencing. These may sound like, "I'm never going to change," "I'm a failure," or "I'm letting everyone down." The goal is to find ways to externalize these thoughts and put space between yourself and the thoughts.
There are a few ways to do this:
Let it float away.
Imagine a thought, like “I’m never going to change,” and picture placing it on a leaf. Now visualize the leaf floating away, and taking the thought with it. Free of this thought, you can turn your attention to something else.
Walk away from it.
Imagine a thought as an object that's outside of yourself — a boulder, a tight ball of wire, or thick fog — whatever pops to mind. Now, create distance between yourself and the thought; imagine yourself walking away from it. You can also imagine your thought as an external voice coming from a speaker, something external, rather than something embedded in your mind.
Notice your internal debate.
When caught in a thought-emotion spiral, you may find yourself having an internal debate.
“I’ll never lose weight,” you think.
And then, “Well, I did pretty well for a while.”
And then, “But eventually I messed up.”
Back and forth your thoughts go, like a tennis ball.
In these moments, notice the pattern. Label it “thought tennis,” and then refocus on what you're doing that may result in forward movement.
Be a narrator.
With this strategy, you simply add the phrase "I'm having the thought” to create a bit of distance between your thought and yourself. So instead of "I’m a failure," you think "I'm having the thought that I'm a failure." Instead of "I'll never reach my goals," you think, "I'm having the thought that I'll never reach my goals."
This strategy pushes you away from the thought just a little bit, enough that you don’t feel its pull so intensely. This little bit of distance provides an invaluable buffer that allows you to move forward rather than stay trapped in the negative thought pattern.
