Your best friend confides in you that high stress and low motivation have pushed them into some regrettable food choices lately. Do you respond by calling them lazy, stupid, or hopeless? Of course not. You might say, “You’re struggling to eat healthy right now and that’s understandable” or “You don’t have to be perfect, and next time you’ll eat more vegetables.”
We bolster our friends because we know they’re more likely to do well if they feel good. So why can’t we consistently do this for ourselves?
1 of 6
Praise trumps criticism.
Research shows that self-talk — your internal dialogue — plays a crucial role in weight management. Studies of people in weight loss programs show that positive self-talk can help people regulate their behavior, stick to long-term goals, and lose more weight.
In one large survey, those who responded to a dietary lapse with self-reassurance — viewing themselves as “human” (64%) and “determined” (74%) rather than “weak” (5%) or “a failure” (2%) — showed dramatically better outcomes than those who responded with self-criticism; 82% returned to healthy eating by the next day, and 81% lost weight. By contrast, the negative self-talkers turned to comfort eating (50%) or gave up entirely (34%), and in the following weeks, 47% actually gained weight.
Ready to turn your inner voice from critic to coach? Rewrite the script with these tips.
2 of 6
Be a scientist.
Ending negative self-talk doesn't mean avoiding your mistakes. It means viewing your eating patterns as a scientist would — as data to spark learning, not evidence of failure.
Ask yourself: “When I look back at my week, how do I feel about the choices I made?” If you overate or indulged in unhealthy food, review what happened and resolve to make a healthier choice today.
Say, “What can I do next time? Why did I eat so much? Was it because I skipped breakfast that morning?”
3 of 6
Taste every food as if it’s new.
You’ve probably heard of mindful eating — the practice of focusing on the experience of eating — but you may not realize how closely connected it is to self-talk.
Mindfulness changes the quality of our internal dialogue from judgment to curiosity, a shift that research links to positive behavioral outcomes. A 2024 study in the journal Nutrients found that mindful eating interventions led to significant reductions in binge eating episodes — from 44.5% of participants screening positive for binge eating at the study's start to just 14.9% at the end.
4 of 6
Experiment with mindful eating exercises.
Try this: Eat as if you need to describe every aspect of your food to someone who has never tasted it before.
I've had patients do this exercise in my office. They'll sometimes come in with a Big Mac, and when they actually sit and taste it, they're like, "You know what? I'm not really enjoying this." Other times it's the opposite. One patient eating a Hershey's Kiss said, "Wow, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a piece of chocolate as much in my entire life because I'm this connected to smelling it and looking at it and tasting it."
5 of 6
Ask “What can I do next time?”
Nobody’s perfect. You’re going to slip at times — everyone does. It’s not whether you slip that determines your outcome, it’s what you do next.
In one five-year study, University of Cambridge researchers found that people who successfully lose weight and keep it off anticipate potential lapses — like upcoming social occasions — and make plans to avoid them.
6 of 6
Anticipate setbacks.
Is food shopping a trigger? Try having a list with you when you shop — not only of the foods you need, but of your goals: “I want to eat healthy. I am committed to losing 5 pounds” or “I want to live a long life.” Emphasizing positive actions, like “Buy more vegetables,” is more effective than focusing on the negative like, “Don’t eat cookies.”
When you overeat, acknowledge it: “I ate more than I intended. I was really hungry because I skipped lunch. Tomorrow I'll pack a lunch.” That's self-talk that moves you forward.
