What's our greatest weapon against stress and negativity? According to psychologist William James, it's our ability to choose one thought over another.

Consider, for a second, the immense power of our thoughts.

How we talk to ourselves governs our behaviors and emotions. Too often, our self-talk is harsh and punishing. We say things to ourselves we'd never say to a friend; our inner monologue acts as a bully rather than a coach.

Words matter — and they can shift anytime. We can tweak our self-talk so that it helps, rather than hinders, our growth. The first step: understanding that our thoughts are not facts. They are our interpretation of experiences and, as such, they can be distorted and inaccurate.

Common Thought Distortion Types

There are several common kinds of cognitive distortions, including:

  • All-or-nothing thinking. Evaluating the world in absolute terms without recognizing the middle ground. Gravitates toward binaries like good/bad, success/failure, right/wrong.
  • Overgeneralization. Jumping to global conclusions based on one action or event. Usually involves words like always, never, everyone, and everything.
  • "Should" statements. Setting rigid and negative expectations for yourself, along with unreasonable pressure, which inevitably leads to feelings of failure.

These kinds of thought patterns don't serve us. They damage our self-esteem, deplete our positivity, apply undue pressure, and often set in motion a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The fact is, we all have cognitive distortions. They're automatic, almost knee-jerk thoughts, so we can't necessarily stop them cold. But we can challenge them and replace them with more helpful self-talk.

Step-by-Step Guide to Reframing Thoughts

Follow these steps to restructure distorted thinking:

  1. Identify the cognitive distortion.
  2. Ask yourself whether this thought is helpful or not: Does it make you feel good or bad?
  3. Observe the thought from a distance. Remind yourself, "This is just a thought. Not all thoughts are facts."
  4. Examine the evidence for and against this thought. How much truth is there behind it?
  5. Tweak the thought to be more helpful or accurate. It doesn't need to transform from negative to positive, necessarily. You just want to make it more neutral.
  6. If you're stuck, ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend in this situation?"

 Here are some examples of ways to reframe common cognitive distortions:

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Instead of: I can only stay at the gym today for 20 minutes. Forget it, there's no point.

Try: I can spend 20 minutes at the gym today, which is better than nothing, and even a short workout will help me maintain momentum.

Instead of: How could I have eaten that cookie when I just swore off sugar? At this point, I might as well eat the whole box.

Try: Eating that cookie was not part of the plan, but it's not a big deal. After all, I've made a lot of great food choices today.

Overgeneralization

Instead of:  Of course I ordered that second glass of wine. I always do this. I have no willpower.

Try: It was really hard to resist the second glass of wine when everyone else was drinking. It's not the end of the world. I'm trying, and that's what counts.

Instead of: If I can't even run a mile, how am I ever going to run the 5K I signed up for? It's never going to work. Why should I even try?

Try: Running a mile is tougher than I thought it would be. I may need to start with shorter jogs. I'm doing the best I can right now, given the circumstances.

'I Should' Statements

Instead of: I should eat more vegetables and fruits.

Try: I would like to eat more vegetables and fruits, and a plan would help.

Instead of: I should be able to lose 10 pounds.

Try: Who says I should be able to lose 10 pounds? And why? What's important to me about losing weight?