Eating is emotional.
For most of us, food is not just fuel. It is calm or comfort or happiness or energy. And this is, essentially, why we sometimes turn to food to relieve stress, boredom, or sadness and why our biggest family celebrations often happen around a dinner table.
Emotional eating habits often trace their roots to the role of food in our upbringing. If we learn to soothe or suppress difficult emotions with a feel-good jolt of dopamine from certain sweet, salty, and fatty foods, breaking that habit will require a concerted, full-throttle effort.
I developed this four-step approach, which I call the 4 Ds, to help guide my patients through this process.
1 of 5
Question whether you’re physically hungry.
Distinguishing between physical and emotional hunger is the first, often complicated, step to breaking this habit. Over years or decades of emotional eating and dieting, we grow disconnected from the internal cues that let us know when we’re hungry.
Here are some ways to distinguish physical from emotional hunger:
Physical hunger
- Hunger turns on slowly, like a dimmer switch.
- A variety of foods will satisfy you.
- Once you're done eating, you feel physically full.
Emotional hunger
- Hunger turns on suddenly, like a light switch.
- There’s often something very specific you want to eat.
- You may rush through eating.
- You can eat and eat and never feel like you're truly satisfied.
2 of 5
Delay or take a pause before eating.
When the message “I’m hungry” or “I want something to eat” hits your brain, stop for a moment to create a space between that thought and an action.
Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? Is it physical hunger?” If so, take a moment to tune in to your body and rate your appetite on a scale of 1 to 10. What kind of hunger are you experiencing? Is it the rumbling of an empty belly hungry for something, anything? Or are you experiencing a craving?
If your body isn’t terribly hungry, examine your emotions. Are you anxious? Disappointed? Overwhelmed? Try to be curious rather than critical.
3 of 5
Direct your attention to a different activity.
If you’ve identified the emotion(s) sparking your craving, the next step is to address that need in a new and novel way. Create a 5:5 list by brainstorming the following:
- Five activities that help you relax (such as cuddle with a pet, take a hot bath, lie on the sofa)
- Five activities to effectively distract you. Think of ways to engage your mind, which can quiet the emotional part of your brain. (Do a task or errand, play a game or puzzle, clean something.)
- Five places you can go that are comforting (on a walk, a cozy chair, your garden)
- Five people to call, text, or reach out to. This may help you process your feelings or just provide a social outlet.
- Five things to soothe your senses (a cold washcloth on your face, warm clothes heated in the dryer, soothing peppermint or chamomile tea)
4 of 5
Practice mindful eating.
If you decide to eat after step 2, that’s perfectly fine — just do it mindfully. When you eat quickly, standing at your kitchen counter or sink, for example, you barely have a chance to enjoy the food.
Instead, sit down to eat. Chew slowly, and use your five senses to savor the food. How would you describe this food to someone who has never tasted it? What does it look like, smell like, sound like when you bite it? Is it salty, sweet, sour, umami? When we slow down to eat, not only do we reconnect with our bodies, but we enjoy and savor our food more.
5 of 5
F.A.C.E. Your Feelings
Here is a memorable acronym that reframes emotional eating as an emotional invitation — NOT a failure.
F: Feel it.
Notice the emotion in your body: tight jaw, racing thoughts, heaviness in the chest.
A: Allow it.
Feelings aren’t dangerous. They peak and fade like waves when we don’t fight them.
C: Connect to your need.
Ask: What do I actually need right now — comfort, rest, distraction, reassurance?
E: Engage in a healthy action.
Choose something that meets the need: call a friend, take a warm shower, journal, stretch, walk outside.
